Upgrade (2018)

Upgrade (2018) was fantastic! Really a sci-fi action thriller rather than horror, but of my favorite kind, CYBERPUNK! Revenge porn via cybernetic implants, starring Logan Marshall-Green, of The Invitation (2015). 

I put off watching this one because I've seen it flagged for violence, but it was not the "bad kind,"* more like action movie violence where people (mostly bad guys) get knocked around.

As you all know by now, I'm really not big on CGI at all, but I thought these effects were excellent, very tastefully done. 

The plot was pretty standard stuff for the genre, but it was well executed and enjoyable, so no complaints here. Definitely recommended!

* Most kinds of film violence are the "bad kind" in my humble opinion, but I hate and basically won't watch:

- sexual violence

- violence against children or animals 

- torture porn, where someone is suffering and you are supposed to watch it happen

Arguably there could be exceptions, but in general, I think films that rely on cringey violence are the lowest form of horror -- there's nothing impressive about generating that kind of instinctual discomfort and revulsion, it's like tapping a knee for the patellar reflex. Cheap tricks. Anyway, end rant.

Exte (2007)

Nicole and I watched Exte (2007), which was frickin wild. It was not nearly as cheesy as we expected it to be, for a movie about haunted hair extensions! Yes, some stuff was OTT, but many of the effects were really awesome, creepy, body horror stuff. There was also some super dark stuff (CW: child abuse) which made the weird silly moments even weirder. A strange exploration of trauma which leads to murderous rage, versus trauma that can be healed through love and affection... all wrapped up in long black hair. Also, I think this goes without saying for fans of Asian horror, but this film is clever and amusing in that it treats the "creepy long black hair" trope so literally. Another strange but gripping Sion Sono film (creator of Suicide Circle).

Puffball: The Devil's Eyeball (2007)

Nicolas Roeg directed Don't Look Now (1973) and The Witches (1990), two brilliant films, so I had hoped that Puffball: The Devil's Eyeball (2007) might be good -- maybe even awesome, with such a wild name! Unfortunately, it was frickin terrible. 🤣🤣 The plot was rambling and incoherent, the characters dislikeable, and the production value low. If you want to watch a movie about witches who are after your baby, stick with Rosemary's Baby! (1968)

The Guyver (1991)

The Guyver (1991) was awesome! Highly recommended if, like me, you enjoy tokusatsu -- ridiculously over-the-top, campy sci-fi with great makeup/prosthetics, props, and practical effects. It was very silly, but I loved it. It reminded me of the stuff I watched as a kid -- Power Rangers, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Xena Warrior Princess, etc. -- with a gnarly, Cronenbergian flavor. I wouldn't call it horror, but it didn't feel too out of place in the lineup. A more aggressive editor could have taken out like 15 minutes of superfluous monster fights, but then it wouldn't be what it is! 

Also enjoyed the deliciously OTT dialogue like:

"I killed you once! I can kill you again!"

"You can't kill me! I've been rejected by death!"

Daybreakers (2009)

Daybreakers (2009) was amazing! Definitely sci-fi action rather than horror, but damn, I loved it. Incredible world building, vivid effects, Willem Dafoe, and thrilling story. Nailed it! 💯💯

The Mist (2007, black and white version)

The Mist (2007, black and white version) fell flat for me. I'm rarely one for creature features* -- I swing between finding the critters ludicrous, and pitiable. That was pretty much my take on this movie. I also find the emotionally-stunted male action-hero trope realllly played out and boring. Even taking the genre for what it is, however, the film left a lot to be desired. The scoring was absurdly melodramatic and the dialogue was overacted, even maudlin. I can't really think of anything positive to say. If you want to watch a newer horror film in black and white, I would recommend The Lighthouse (2019).

* With a few notable exceptions, like Shivers (1975), Slither (2006), and of course Jaws (1975). I'm also a fan of Tremors (1990), though I don't really consider that horror.

Cabin Fever (2002)

I'm not an Eli Roth fan -- gory shock horror is not my style. But Cabin Fever (2002) was alright -- funny and disgusting. I do think it's interesting that Roth's fantasies revolve around entitled assholes getting their comeuppance. That's a motif I can get behind. And this particular film, about contagion, was especially skin-crawly during a pandemic year.

Byzantium (2012)

Nicole and I watched Byzantium (2012), which was great. A thrilling, atmospheric, moody, relationship-driven vampire drama. Strong vibes of Let the Right One In (2008), though not quite as good as its brilliant predecessor. Interesting dynamics due to the more limited interpretation of vampire powers, and a cool mythos. Another wonderful film from Neil Jordan, creator of Interview with the Vampire (1994) and The Company of Wolves (1984).

Jacob's Ladder (1990)

Jacob's Ladder (1990) was a tense psychological thriller, though I'd term it a drama rather than a horror film. I don't watch war movies so this was out of my normal comfort zone. It was a smart, sad, movie, though I wish the limited horror elements had figured more prominently... those parts were my favorites.

The Boneyard (1991)

The Boneyard (1991) was quite awful. 🤣 It starts off incredibly slow and takes forever to pick up, and the dialogue (filled with gratuitous confessional-style oversharing) is ridiculous. Notttt quality cinema. Despite all that, the sfx makeup was awesome. Well, in some scenes it was crap, but the zombie children were really freaky and awesome looking!! In many horror movies, the creatures sort of lurk in the shadows, so you are always more afraid of your imagination than of whatever's on the screen. Not so here, the undead kiddos hold up to scrutiny in full view. (Perhaps unsurprising, considering James Cummins started his career in special effects and only later dabbled in directing.) This movie maybe gets some points for pure absurdity, but this is surely one to drunkenly heckle with your mates.

Better Watch Out (2016)

I was excited by the prospect of a Christmas horror movie. Gremlins (1984) is one of my favs after all, Black Christmas (1974) is gold, and (while not a horror movie per se), The Nightmare Before Christmas (1993) has such an awesome aesthetic. Even with such classics, I really think the Christmas/horror genre is underexplored. Alas, Better Watch Out (2016) is not the movie to solve this problem, because it fa-la-la-la-failed. A torture porn version of Home Alone (1990) tis no reason to be jolly. 

Also, I have seen some people try to tout this as a feminist film. This is definitively not a feminist film. *** SPOILERS AHEAD*** 

Watching the female protagonist get tormented by a tween incel was really uncomfortable. The mere fact that she survives, and is teed up to rat out the sadistic twerp, does not redeem this film. Surving misogyny is not feminism. Sigh.

Vampires (1998)

Nicole and I watched Vampires (1998). We had reasonably high hopes bc John Carpenter, but this vampire western was hot garbage. Misogynistic thug vampire-hunters James Woods and Daniel "Budget" Baldwin hunt "The Master" with lots of inane tough talk and gratuitous violence. (I've now filled my lifetime quota for hearing "you fucking bitch." 🙄) Also, there is a strange homophobic/repressed homoerotic thing going on with Woods' character... no idea what that's about. The vampires themselves were also pretty uninspiring, brain-dead cannon fodder. All the effects were super OTT too. There were a couple cool scenes, but honestly this one was kind of a slog. ~~ If you wanna watch dusty tough guys kicking vampire butt, watch From Dusk til Dawn (1996) instead. ~~ Thanks for hanging in there with me, Nicole!

Dellamorte Dellamore (1994)

Dellamorte Dellamore (lit. "of the death of love," English title Cemetery Man) was amazing!! Creative plot, very funny dark humor, smart dialogue, great practical effects, and plenty of sex appeal (starring hotties Rupert Everett and Anna Falchi) -- the whole package. 

Also, I was struck while watching this film by the similarities to my boy Dario Argento... come to find out, Michele Soavi was his protégé! Definitely worth a watch.

Pulse (2001)

Megan, Mark and I watched Pulse (回路, Kairo), a Japanese technology horror film directed by Kiyoshi Kurosawa. This movie had some truly freaky/creepy scenes, but the plot felt all over the place... maybe something was lost in translation. Enjoyed watching it though. And it's interesting to think of this film coming out in 2001 -- idk about yall, but that was pretty much the start of my personal computing, the days of AIM, etc.... so a movie about the horrors of the internet was ahead of the curve, and probably pretty electrifying at that time.

Tusk (2014)

Terra and I watched Tusk (2014), which was a trip. Disgusting, but darkly humorous... although for me the "ick" factor was distracting haha. As Terra said, "I definitely don't regret watching it but I also can't think of anyone I would recommend it to off the top of my head." 🤣🤣 

There was also a lot of misogyny which didn't seem to drive the plot at all, it was just uncomfortable.

Featuring the Sixth Sense kid (Haley Joel Osmont), and randomly, Johnny Depp.

Definitely the weirdest Kevin Smith film (I've seen, anyway). 

eXistenZ (1999)

Mark and I watched eXistenZ (1999) tonight, and it was awesome! A mindfuck, as one would expect from Cronenberg. Highly recommended for all cyberpunk fans... or anyone interested in the precursor to Inception (2010). 

The Quiet Family (1998)

Kim Jee-woon's directorial debut, The Quiet Family (1998), was awesome! Sarah and I recently watched his film A Tale of Two Sisters (2006), and I liked this much more. What can I say, I'm a sucker for dark comedy! It has a great cast, starring heartthrob Song Kang-ho (of Snowpiercer and Parasite), before he became famous, Na Moon-hee (of My Lovely Sam-Soon), and Choi Min-sik (of Oldboy, etc.), among others. Almost like a National Lampoon film, except if the hijinks always ended in dead bodies. 🤣

You're Next (2011)

Nicole and I watched You're Next (2011), which was a (bloody, murderous) romp! Not the most inventive plot, but redeemed by good pacing, zany, dark, deadpan humor, and a badass female lead. This one had some similar vibes to Ready or Not (2019).

Near Dark (1987)

I've tried to watch Near Dark (1987) a bunch of times and this is the first time I've actually watched all the way through. I really want to like this one, because it's a classic 80s vampire flick, and I can see why people would enjoy it, but I just don't like the (dirty, crust punk/neo-western) vibe. 🤷‍♀️

Henry: A Portrait of a Serial Killer (1986)

Henry: A Portrait of a Serial Killer (1986) is a strange film, wherein the titular serial killer is the protagonist. I put off watching this film for a long time, because I don't like violence or gore in films. However, unlike in most slashers, you mostly don't see Henry killing his victims. Henry (Michael Rooker) goes about his daily activities, and the mutilated corpses of women surface in his wake. The murders, if not exactly incidental to his life, seem as natural as any other part of his routine. However, there were some graphic and deeply disturbing scenes in the movie. Rooker is almost TOO convincing as a cold-blooded, murderous thug. I don't know if I can really "recommend" this movie, but it was certainly effective for what it was -- a more realistic, less romanticized view of violence. It's based on a true story, too, of Henry Lee Lucas.